Do you know the United Kingdom had to appoint the world’s first Minister of Loneliness in 2018? Rarely have I met a person in my life who has not experienced loneliness. As social creatures, we crave a safe and secure community. The trivial assumption is that one must be living physically alone to experience loneliness. Science has shown time, and again, it doesn’t matter whether you are rich or poor, single or in a relationship, illiterate or educated, surrounded by cool friends or an isolated introverted, anyone can experience this for a short (acute) to a long (chronic) period.
What is loneliness?
It is a distressing state when there is a misalignment between what is one’s expectation for their social interactions and the reality of their present social connections. Loneliness has one unique characteristic of hypervigilance of social threat that triggers a very primal defensive instinct of avoidance (from people). If persistent, it can make an individual mentally crippled so that they become dysfunctional in their personal and professional lives.
How does loneliness affect our health?
This gap between expectation versus reality hits one’s self-worth spirally downward. Such decline in self-esteem triggers an array of self-destructive emotions and behaviors. One begins to lose the power to discern between reality and illusion; their attention keeps swinging in between past (rumination) and future (worries). Eventually, feeling of loneliness not only affects our mental health leading to anxiety and depression but also affect our physical health by disturbing sleep quality. Poor sleep quality has been linked to a broad spectrum of physiological disorders such as high cardiovascular diseases and mortality rates.
What is solitude?
It is a state when one can choose to isolate themselves from people without feeling lonely. It’s a healthy lifestyle where one spends time in isolation to refuel themselves mentally. It helps in enriching one’s self-worth and in the cultivation of constructive habits. Although solitude is a common trait often observed in introverted people, it’s an emerging lifestyle trend being adopted by socially extrovert people.
How does one cope with loneliness conventionally?
It’s not very difficult to spot how modern society has evolved to cope with loneliness. Thanks to social media and the digital revolution. Now it’s time to pause and give a hard look at our behaviors.
Just think about why you are refreshing your whats app or Instagram, SC, stories every five minutes? How many likes and comments did you receive on your “wanderlust” or “foodporn” post. Why are you still scrolling down your news feed? Although you already caught up with all the posts; from people you like and those you don’t even care about.
Being an active user, I am not against social media, but do you see the point I am trying to make here? It’s the avoidance or distraction from the actual pain that is bothering you (driven by pain/pleasure motivation system)? You are running away from yourself.
How does one transform loneliness into solitude?
Now since you are aware of your problem, it will be much easier to solve it. First, recognize that you must prioritize yourself and spare time for yourself in a day. The moment I say this to anyone, most people jump into their defense, “Well, you don’t know how busy I am? How many responsibilities I have?” Science has also shown that such excuses are also a part of avoidance from the pain. Solitude is a powerful lifestyle; when you tap properly, it will help you process all the pain you are running away from. Cultivating solitude is very easy when done in small steps. For example, going for a walk or run alone, simply meditating for 10 minutes after you wake up or before your sleep on your bed. Even taking care of your body is also one way to calm your mind, as both are intimately connected. Give it a try. I will talk to you about beginning meditation in simple steps in my next post.
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Based on real scenario and helps in boosting mental health.